I really wish I could use "nigh" in any other situation, but it just doesn't feel right.

I am coming back around to the conclusion that life is only what you make it. I can't blame others for my personal failings and I can't expect my goals to fall in my lap. I've always known I would need to fight for what I want and that I would need to work to achieve the goals I set. But somewhere along the line I stopped reaching for goals, I convinced myself that I could never get to where I wanted to be and so I would settle for whatever I could get. And let's be honest, if I'm just gonna settle anyway, why bother putting any effort into life. I allowed myself to get lazy not just about life but about caring about me. I have allowed my emotional wellbeing and my psychological welfare to sit on the sidelines of my life. I don't pay them any attention. I'm almost there - at that point where it won't matter what I do or say, I won't be able to come back from the apathetic hell I made for myself. I can live with not caring about others (honestly I have been scarred enough in life that I can deal well with the guilt of refusing to give a shit about other people) but when I don't care about me, when I don't see myself as being anything to bother with...it's a very dark place. It's a place where light isn't allowed and where peace never comes. It's the world inside my head and one that has already attempted to form a coup against my heart, my soul. I can't let it happen again. I haven't been able to put up the defenses...

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The irony of life is that we live to die. As each must die but death can only come to the living.